Friday, 22 July 2016
Right now I'm doing my assignment, but cannot focus. I feel very guilty. I 'll write everything here and hopefully nobody will read. Of course everyone want to be treated well. Yeah, me too but sometimes I have problem. If I'm angry, I will show it with my action. if i'm sulking then it means i'm angry or I'm not treated people nicely. I dont wanna be like that. I feel like I wanna meet counselor. Its hard to control that feeling. I keeep crying. Only Allah know how I feel.
maybe i'm not a good friend. I like to have guest coming to my room, to stay for one or two days . its okayy. even I'm a little bit not comfortable and quite shy because people know what i'm doing but its okay. I can accept that for one to two days. This time, my friend wanna stay at my room for one semester. As I said I like privacy. I'm not comfortable people share compartment with me. I lost my freedom. I'm not good as others. I never bother about the payment. Its about my life. Its hard for me. But, one of my behavior is easy to get kesian and diffilcult to menolak when people ask for something. When she asked to stay... I felt x sampai hati.. then just accept her to stay in my compartment. I'm trying to be good. Everyday have to acting and pretending that I'm okayy. with a smile face. yeah I'm keep run away from staying at my room just to avoid hurting her. I know its hurt. But who is wrong in this situation? I'm not treating her well and I knew its hurt. I don't wanna be treated bad as well. I'm afraid what you give you get back. I'm afraid if one day i'll be treated like that................ I'm really stressssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
I hope my friends around me don't angry at me and treated me well.
Now i feel bad, please pray for me. I m afraid of doing sins. If i'm wrong please forgive me. Yeah again I'm not a good friend like others, but I have my kelemahan also. I feel guilty towards Syahadah and towards you a little bit. i'm dreaming of you just now... I hope I can talk to syahadah nicely after this. She is secretive. I'm still thinking why she dont wanna register for room. The reasons I cannot accept. if wanna pray jamaah just come to my room or go to masjid. If feel alone sorang2 kat bilik then come to my room once a while. Like I go to Fariha's room once a while if i'm talking for two days. I hope I dont make people in trouble because I LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLL.